Couples therapy, like other forms of talk therapy, helps people reduce stress and improve their lives. However, unlike individual therapy, couples therapy focuses on three parts: each partner and their relationship. A couples therapist works to balance the needs of both people and the relationship itself. This requires careful listening and impartial guidance to help everyone involved.
Many couples turn to therapy when they have different perspectives on shared experiences, and when one or both partners are feeling upset or disconnected. It’s common for one partner to be more eager or hopeful about therapy than the other.
What Happens in Couples Therapy?
In most cases, both partners attend therapy sessions together. While a therapist may occasionally speak with one partner alone, this is usually to gather helpful information, and only with the other partner’s approval. Sometimes, one person seeks therapy alone when their partner doesn’t want to participate, hoping to spark change.
During sessions, therapists ask many questions to understand each partner’s background and current concerns. They may explore family history or challenge a person’s way of thinking to help uncover deep-rooted issues. Importantly, couples therapists don’t take sides. They work to identify behaviors that contribute to problems and guide both partners toward better communication and understanding.
The goal of therapy is often to bring partners closer or to help them part ways in a healthy, respectful manner. Couples learn to manage their emotions, show compassion to one another, and rekindle the positive feelings that brought them together in the first place. Between sessions, they are usually given exercises to practice new ways of interacting and problem-solving at home.
Different Approaches to Couples Therapy
Several methods have been developed to help couples in distress. Although these approaches may use different techniques, they all aim to improve the relationship and make it a source of joy and support for both partners. Many therapists are trained in multiple approaches and adjust their methods based on the couple’s needs. Here are some common approaches:
- The Gottman Method: Developed by psychologists John and Julie Gottman, this method focuses on the power of negative emotions in relationships and the importance of repairing harm when things go wrong. It teaches couples how to strengthen their emotional connection and build “love maps,” which are detailed understandings of their partner’s inner world.
- Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT): Based on attachment theory, this approach helps couples reconnect by addressing the underlying emotions that fuel conflict. By expressing their true feelings, such as fear or sadness, partners can rebuild emotional bonds and work together to solve problems.
- Imago Relationship Therapy: This approach aims to help couples achieve the kind of love they may have idealized in childhood. Partners take turns speaking and listening to each other in a structured way, ensuring that both sides are fully understood and validated. This process fosters empathy and strengthens their connection.
Couples Therapy vs. Couples Counseling
While people often use the terms “couples therapy” and “couples counseling” interchangeably, there is a slight difference. Couples counseling typically focuses on resolving a specific problem, such as a disagreement over finances, and is often completed in six sessions or less. It helps couples address immediate concerns.
Couples therapy, on the other hand, is more in-depth. It looks at the root causes of a couple’s issues and helps break harmful patterns. It also helps individuals understand their own needs better, which in turn helps them support their partner and ask for what they need. Therapy may take longer, often around 12 sessions, depending on the complexity of the couple’s relationship. For example, working through the aftermath of infidelity can take time and effort from both partners and the therapist.
Some variations of couples therapy are designed to address specific issues, such as cheating, violence, or sexual problems. Therapy can also be beneficial for individual concerns like depression, health problems, addiction, or trauma, as these can impact the relationship.
How to Find the Right Couples Therapist
Just like in individual therapy, the relationship between the therapist and the couple is crucial. It’s important to find a therapist who makes both partners feel comfortable but who is also willing to challenge them when needed. Before choosing a therapist, it’s a good idea to meet with one or more for a consultation. This gives both partners a chance to ask questions and ensure the therapist’s approach aligns with their needs.
Couples therapists are licensed mental health professionals. They may have advanced degrees in psychology, counseling, social work, or marriage and family therapy. In addition to their general training, they also receive specialized education in relationship dynamics. Some therapists seek extra training from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) or the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), especially if they work with couples on issues related to intimacy or sexuality.
When searching for a therapist, it’s helpful to ask about their experience with couples who have faced similar challenges. This can make the therapy process more effective.
How Much Does Couples Therapy Cost?
Couples therapy can cost between $150 and $400 per session, with most sessions lasting about an hour. Some therapists may offer a sliding scale based on income, so it’s worth asking if they provide a reduced fee.
Unfortunately, couples therapy is rarely covered by insurance. However, there are ways to find more affordable options. Some therapy training institutes, often connected to universities, offer therapy at a lower cost. Trainees, supervised by experienced therapists, provide these sessions. Community agencies may also offer reduced-cost therapy.
Although therapy can be an investment, many therapists emphasize that it is often much less expensive than divorce. Many couples find that the benefits of therapy far outweigh the costs.
Conclusion
Couples therapy provides a valuable space for partners to work through their challenges, learn better communication skills, and strengthen their relationship. With the right approach and a skilled therapist, couples can find deeper understanding, renewed connection, and lasting happiness.
